Endless Tears: Chapter 16

Seoul, 2015

4 years later…

“Thanks for being here at our concert,” Sungkyu hyung said as we all bowed to the audiences.

“Now, for our last song, Endless Tears, written and composed by Hoya, our member,” Woohyun hyung informed as he pointed at me.

“This one is dedicated to the late Hyemi, may you rest in peace,” I said as the intro music was on.

Myungsoo lifted up his microphone as he started to sing.

You're gone
Now, you're not here anymore
But, I keep craving for your love

Sungkyu hyung took his turn.

Am I being too selfish?
For questioning the heaven to give you back

We all lifted up our microphones as the music beat a little higher for the chorus.

I cried out loud
I couldn't hold the tears

Woohyun hyung sang his part of the chorus.

The endless tears flowing from my eyes
The endless tears falling down my cheeks

And, Sungyeol sang at the end of the chorus.

What should I do? I can't stop

Finally, Sungjong’s part was arrived for the second verse.

Are you leaving?
Do I have to let you go?
Is this a dream?

Woohyun hyung solo part took over.

Do you have to leave like this?
Keep blaming the heaven for taking you away

Again, the second time for chorus, we all sang.

I cried out loud
I couldn't hold the tears

Sungkyu hyung once again, for the chorus part.

The endless tears flowing from my eyes
The endless tears falling down my cheeks

As for Sungyeol, in the same part.

What should I do? I can't stop

Dongwoo hyung lifted his microphone as he began his rap part.

What can I do?
I can't hold back my tears
It becomes hard for me
I'm sorry
I can't be strong as I promise
I closed my swollen eyes
Through the endless night
With endless tears

Finally, my solo rap part arrived.

What do I do?
Why am I crying?
I have so many words that yet to be said to you
I have so many things that yet to be done with you
I love you, just like now, just like before
I'll love you, loving you like this
I'm going crazy with your absence
I'm sorry that I send you with endless tears

The last chorus part, that we all sang together as I was crying.

I love you, I love you
I shouted like this endlessly
The endless tears flowing from my eyes
The endless tears falling down my cheeks

The final and last part, by me. However, I whispered it with my husky voice as the tears were unstoppable.

I'm sorry that I send you away with tears

“Thank you,” we all shouted and bowed before going down the stage as the crowd applauded and cheered.

We went to backstage.

“Let’s go celebrate after this,” Woohyun hyung said.

“I think I’ll pass,” I said to him. “I want to visit Hyemi,” I informed.

“Okay,” he said.

I changed my clothes and off to the graveyard.

I slowly walked down. I remembered every moment like just yesterday. But, it had been 6 months since she went away.

I knelt beside her grave, keeping my head down. I lifted my head and looked at the stone.

Rest In Peace, Elaine Shim Hyeyoung
March 2, 1991 – March 29, 2015
~ An obedient daughter, great sister, wonderful wife~

It had been 6 months since the day she left the world. I still remembered every detail of her figure. Her small figure, her round face, her sharp nose, her thin lips, her big eyes, her long black hair, her smile, her frown and everything.

She died a day after my 24th birthday. For me, that last birthday that we spent together was the best of my whole life, even though she couldn’t say any words to me but she was my source of happiness. I was glad that I was there when she breathed the last air.

I closed my eyes really tight as I touched her grave stone.

“Hyemi, hello,” I greeted her with a smile curled by my lips. “I came again today. But, I didn’t bring any flower for you. I was busy. So, I’m sorry,” I said, keeping my head down low.

“Today, we sang the song that I wrote for you. Did you hear it?” I asked as if she still could hear. “I accidently cried just now. I’m sorry but I can’t help it,” I apologized with a pleading expression as if she was standing in front of me, mad.

I stood up. “I’m going home now, because I’m tired for today,” I informed. “But, I’ll be back,” I said as walked back.

To be honest, I’m not happy with her absence. I feel empty every single day after she went away. But, when I saw the ring on my fourth finger, I’m satisfied. At least, I could say that she was mine.

Actually, there are many things that I haven’t done with her. As many as the words that I haven’t said to her. For that, I feel regretful. But, I’m going to live happily and I’m going to live this life at the fullest. I’m going to live until I died. Because I know, she’s waiting for me up there.

If I said that I didn’t blame god for taking her away, it must be a lie. I did angry but nothing can be undone. Although I’ve promised that I’ll smile when I send her away, I still cried when I think about her. Because for me, she’s the only girl that own my endless tears.