Endless Tears: Chapter 7

“Hyung, are you going?” Sungjong asked as he saw me, with my luggage on the front door.

“Yeah, bye. I’ll be back in a while, a day or two,” I said as I put on my shoes.

“Be careful, Hoya,” Sungkyu hyung said.

“Okay,” I assured. “Bye, guys,” I said and waved them goodbye before closing the door.

I went back to my hometown. I did not realized that I had leave Busan for 5 years now.

I was there, standing in front of a very familiar street. The road to the place I called home. The street that I had been going down with Hyemi since middle school.

I walked and walked, moving my legs down the street with my every steps. As my steps doubled, the memories of my childhood hit inside of my brain. I saw it all, my kindergarten, my elementary school, my middle school, the playground where I talked to Hyemi for the first time, the convenience store where Hyemi loved to go, the huge field where I had been dancing on.

I arrived at my doorstep. I turned back and saw the house, Grandma Kim’s house, it looked empty and messed.

“Oh, son, you’re back,” my mum said after I heard the door cracked open. She hugged me in an instant.

“Hoya hyung,” Hojin called out behind my mum.

“Hey, little buddy,” I said and fist bumped him.

“Who is it?” I heard Jiwon hyung’s voice from the living room. I finally saw his figure after several steps into the house.

“Oh god, it’s our star,” Jiwon hyung said, spreading his arms before I went into.

“Dad,” I muttered after I saw him on the couch, in front of the television. But, he didn’t turned his head for me.

My mum hold my shoulders. “Son, you should wash up first,” she said to me.

I nodded and started to climb the stairs.

I opened my door, and saw my room, as same as 5 years ago, nothing really changed. It was only me, who was growing up and changing.

I heard a knocking, and the door cracked opened. “Can I come in?” Jiwon hyung asked from the door.

“Sure, come in. I’d like to talk with you anyway,” I said, while a smile on my face.

He walked and sat on my bed. “Mum told me about you,” he started to converse. “She told me that you want to know about Hyemi,” he continued.

“Yeah. Hyung, did you know anything? Why were they moved out? Did their mum came back and took them away that time?” I asked, persistently.

“After Grandma Kim’s death, Hyojin was the one who wanted to move out. She told me about them, wanting to find their mum. They were gone, just the two of them,” he explained, answering my questions.

“How about Hyemi? Did she say anything?” I asked again, staring at him.

“I didn’t see her at that time. After you went to Seoul, I didn’t see her wandering around like usual. She always in the house, and the last time I saw her on Grandma Kim’s funeral, she was so thin and pale. I thought it was because of depression,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows.

I tried to imagine Hyemi, the way Jiwon hyung described, but there was no way in my memories that she would look like that.

“Don’t think too much. I’ll bring you to the graveyard,” he said and patted my back, before walking to the door. “And, about dad, just be casual, he’s forgiving you,” he said to me, grinning. “He really bought every album from your group and have many posters of yours,” he continued, chuckling, while I was sitting there, throwing  a unbelievable laugh.

The day went by as I was hit by my memories, drowning in the pool of my past.

The next day, I was getting ready to meet Grandma Kim.

“Hoya, are you ready?” Jiwon hyung said, while knocking my door.

I opened the door and gave him a nod.

We walked and talked all the way to the graveyard. It was a great time for me, after 5 years of not talking to my hyung.

“That’s the one,” he said, pointing to one grave with a beautiful stone.

I walked and dropped my knees, in front of the grave.

Rest In Peace, Kim Jin Young
January 20, 1947 – December 27, 2008
~ A great sister, wonderful mother and awesome grandmother ~

“I bet you need some time alone,” Jiwon hyung said, patting my back and walked away.

I stared at the grave for a while, and I smiled bitterly.

“Grandma, hello. It’s been a long time, right? I missed you a lot. I’m sorry that I wasn’t here, to send you away, properly,” I said, stuttering and keeping my head down. “I’m sorry that I don’t know where is Hyemi right now, even though I’ve promised to always be with her, take care of her. I’m sorry that I broke that promise, grandma,” I said, with tears running down my cheeks, all over my face.

That evening, I spent time with Grandma Kim at her grave. I told her everything that I missed to tell when she was alive. I talked, as if she was alive, until I tired and went home.

“You’re packing up?” I heard a voice from my door. Unbelievable, it was my dad.

“Dad,” I muttered as I got up from my sit. “Yeah, I’m packing up,” I said, with a smile.

“Great. Sleep well, you’ll have a long day tomorrow,” he said and turned his back to me.

“Dad, thank you,” I uttered as he walked away.

I continued to pack up as I thought, my dad wasn’t really mad at me anymore. I was right when I decided to go, because I felt like I had proved myself to him. Nevertheless, I felt regret because when I left, I missed  and lost so many things and persons that I cared about.