그냥친구니까 (Love is Punishment): Part 2

[Six]

After received such invitation, I rushed to airport. I went back to Korea.

In my mind, I kept imaging the image of Jae Young, crying silently. She must be hurt about this. She must had known this earlier that me.

I ran all the way to Jae Young’s house. And, I saw her mum.

“Oh, Yun Ho. Long time no see,” her mum greeted me as she saw me.

“Yes, auntie. Where’s Jae Young?” I asked her right away.

“Oh, she’s at the engagement. She’s gone very earlier. Hyo Jung was her best friend after all,” her mum pointed out. Yes, she was indeed her best friend before me. But, still.

Damn it, Jae Young. Why do you act all strong and go there? I cursed in my heart.

“Thank you, auntie. I’ll come visit later. I go first,” I hugged her mum and went on my way.

I took a cab and rushed the driver to go faster.

I cursed under my breath. I shouldn’t have leave you back then, damn it. I regret it, Jae Young. You must be so hurt, so lonely right now. I’m sorry.

 

[Seven]

I reached there and I went into the hall without thinking. It was happening, the engagement party. I saw Jun Su on the stage, slipping a promise ring onto Hyo Jung’s fourth finger. The crowd was clapping, giving a big hand to the future bride and bridegroom.

My eyes wandered, looking for Jae Young. Where are you, Kang Jae Young?

The crowd was standing all of sudden, making it harder for me to trace Jae Young. They was cheering, “Kiss, kiss, kiss.” Damn it, don’t kiss! I cursed, in depression.

Suddenly, I saw this familiar figure, really perfectly beautiful in a blue dress. Kang Jae Young!

The two figures on the stage were close to each other, were about to become one. I dodged people to get to her.

“Don’t look,” I said, as I covered her eyes with my right hand. It was wet, my hand.

My left hand spun her around, making her face me, turning her back to those two.

She was drowning in her own tears. “Jung Yun Ho,” she mentioned my name. Oh god, how I was craving for that voice when I was in Japan.

“Jung Yun Ho,” she mentioned again, it was getting sadder, the tone of her voice.

She was turning her head to those two persons. I cupped her face, right away. “Look at me,” I said, I gazed into her wet eyes.

“Don’t look at them, look at me,” I said, with both of my hands were cupping her face.

“Jung Yun Ho,” she cracked her voice.

“Don’t you have anything else to say?” I said, sighing as I looked at the centre stage. “Let’s get out of here,” I said, decided for her.

I embraced her shoulder. I pulled her towards the way out.

 

[Eight]

“What the hell are you thinking?” I hissed as I took her to the riverbank. She sat on the grass, expressionless.

“Why did you act all so strong and go there all by yourself?” I raised my voice, disappointed.

All of sudden, she burst into tears. “Jung Yun Ho, stop it,” she cried.

Then, I realized, she was hurt and I was foolishly scolded her.

“I’m sorry,” I lowered my voice also my head. I sat beside her.

“Don’t act like you know everything about me,” she scolded me, hitting me, continuously.

I was looking at her, bearing the hits. If it can make you relieve, hit me, Jae Young, I thought.

She continuously hit me while sobbing like crazy. However, at one point, the sobs was getting louder as the hits wasn’t even hurt me anymore.

[Nine]

“Do you miss him?” I asked her, that day.

“The truth or lie?” she asked me, playing with her fingers.

“Lie,” I said, lying on the grass, looking at the sky.

“I didn’t miss him,” she said, casually.

“How much different between me and him?” I asked again, still looking at the clear sky.

“Very much,” she said. Yes, since that day, she always talked in one-word replies.

“What you want to do with him?” I asked again, my eyes still at the blue sky.

“I want him to hug me, once,” she said.

I sat, turning my head to her. “Close your eyes,” I said, pushed her arm.

“What the heck?” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Just close your eyes, silly,” I flicked her forehead.

She bit her lips, rubbed her forehead and gave her sidelong look at me.

“Just close it already,” I said, used my hand to close her eyes. “Don’t open it,” I warned.

I hugged her. “Yah, Jung Yun Ho,” she called out my name.

“Just close your eyes. I’m Kim Jun Su,” I said to her. “Right now, I’m Kim Jun Su and Kim Jun Su is hugging you,” I claimed, tightly wrapped my hands on her waist.

“Yun Ho-ya,” she called me again.

“Jun Su,” I reminded her. “Don’t speak,” I said, continued hugging her. “Don’t open your eyes,” I warned.

[Ten]

That was the story of my unspoken love. In the end, I just continued loving her in my dreams as I cried and cried on my foolish actions. It always the same after I woke up, I was still just friend to her.

Kang Jae Young, I would love you like this. I gave up on making you mine. As you loved him from afar, I would love you in silent. I would love you like this forever. I wouldn’t let anyone know my feelings for you. My love for you will be a secret.

I would say “I love you” only in my heart, where you wouldn’t know. I scared that if I said that I love you, you would run away from me, you would reject me instantly. I afraid that we couldn’t even be friends anymore. I could see your obvious rejection towards any other men except Kim Jun Su.

If this is the price that I have to pay for loving you, I would pay it as long as we could be the same as we were, this is okay for me. If this is stupid action, I would be stupid for the sake of you.

Kim Jun Su, you were so lucky to get her precious love, that I had been longing to have. How lucky of you because once you had her kiss, you could suddenly hug her, you were her happiness source. You were so lucky that you could bring out her most beautiful smile.

In the end, I just clenched my fist, mentally punched myself, cried inside, swallowed my tears, pretended to be a good person, deceived myself with the phrase, “I’m Kang Jae Young’s best friend.”

그냥친구니까 (Love is Punishment): Part 1

[One]

In my whole life, I have loved only Kang Jae Young. I didn’t know why or how I fall for her. I didn’t even know when I’ve fallen into her love. Those times, I was only one innocent, naïve guy that fall for a girl.

My mum used to say, “Love is happiness.” Yes, indeed. Love was happiness for two persons. Nevertheless, my love was unspoken, it was untold, unspeakable. For me, it was the cruellest heaven’s punishment for a human. Truly, it was hurtful.

At one point, I thought of things to be like this, I wanted things to be like this. I should’ve not met her at the first place. I should’ve lived in another person’s world, instead of hers. If only that happened, maybe I wasn’t like this. If only I lived without knowing her, I wouldn’t known this pain and hurtful love.

I knew it. Everyone in this world would’ve said, “Tell her your feelings,” or, “Wish for her happiness with another guy.” But, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t tell her my feelings because she was my friend. I was just another good friend to her. And, I couldn’t afford to lose this friendship.

Also, I couldn’t wish her happiness with another guy. I couldn’t, just couldn’t. She loved this one guy. And, she was still very much in love with this guy. The problem was they were not together anymore. While she was very hurt from the separation and she was still waiting for him. She blamed herself for the separation, even though it was clear that it was all because of the third party.

I was her best friend along the whole time after the separation. I didn’t know how her first love going on. I knew how the guy look like. I just didn’t know him. And, I just want to punch him in the face for breaking her heart. But, I know, it would only going to hurt her more. And, I was only a good friend. Because of that, I held back.

[Two]

“Yun Ho-ya, you know why you’re my friend?” she said on one fine day. “Because you’re a guy,” she answered the question herself.

“Why? You don’t befriend with girl?” I teased. “You’re really a boyish one,” I said, ruffled her hair.

“Yah!” she hit my arm.

I whined in pain. “You hit like a man!” I pointed out.

“It’s not like that,” she hissed. “Having a girl friend is great too,” she claimed.

“You know the way you said it just now? It’s like you considered having a girl friend. So lesbian,” I pressed on the “girl friend” and “lesbian” terms, laughing.

She lifted her hand again. I ducked. “I’m sorry, sorry. It was a joke,” I pleaded, explaining.

“That wasn’t even funny, you idiot,” she hissed, rolled her eyes. “I always have girl best friends before you,” she said, sticking out her tongue to me.

“The best thing about you is you won’t cheat on me with my boyfriend,” she pointed out. “Well, unless you’re gay,” she said, laughing in victory for teasing me back.

“Miss Kang, for your information, I’m straight,” I said, poking her head. “And, with who I want to cheat you? You don’t even have a boyfriend,” I teased her back.

“Talking to you is endless,” she rolled her eyes and got up.

“Where you want to go?” I got up too, held her arm. I looked at her, she was uneasy. “If you want to go meet him, take me too, silly,” I said, pulling her to walk with me.

“Yun Ho-ya, thank you,” she said, lowering her head.

I pulled her close. “Friends don’t say thanks,” I said.

[Three]

That was everything that I could done for her. I watched her, went to the field, seeing him. Every day without fail, she would go to the field, watch him play sports. For her, that was happiness.

She always said, “Being able to watch from afar is good enough.” Sometimes, I envied her. She was so strong that she able to love just from afar, while me, I was feeling very hurt, unable to do anything for her and for me.

She always showed up on his every competition, rooting for him. How I wish he would acknowledge that. So that he would know how she had been loving him all this time.

Yes, I always thought about my life if I didn’t know her. All of those times, I couldn’t help but to feel very guilty. Yes, I was guilty for feeling that my life would be better without her. If I didn’t live in her world, she would be alone and feeling so lonely.

But, I loved her, with all my heart, that I couldn’t tolerate that she had other guy in her heart. I felt hurt. My heart was shivering and trembling every time I reminded myself that I was only friend to her.

That was why I made a foolish decision that hurt both of us. Her heart and my heart.

[Four]

“Jae Young-ah, I will fly to Japan, tomorrow,” I said to her, after debating with myself for few weeks.

“Japan? Tomorrow?” she asked, shocked. “And, you only tell me now?” she asked again.

“I’m sorry, I just want to go,” I said, lowering my head in depression.

“It is so important? That you have to leave me?” she asked, persistently.

“Don’t ask too many things. I’m confused too!” I raised my voice, in anger.

She looked shocked and held back. “Okay, fine. Go, I’m used to this anyway. All of you wanted to go so much,” she said, with sparkling eyes, which clearly was teary.

“Jae Young-ah, I’m sorry,” I pleaded, trying to reach out for her hand.

She dodged my hand, pulling her hand beyond my reach.

“Goodbye, take care,” she said, backed. “Thank you for everything, Jung Yun Ho,” she continued before turning her back to me.

[Five]

I was off to Japan. I lived there, even though there was nothing that pulled me to be there. I just wanted to run away from my feelings towards Jae Young.

I was selfish. I sold our friendship just because I refused to be hurt by loving her.

Even though every day I tried to forget her. No matter how my mind throw her away. Despite how my lips tried to erase her name. I just couldn’t. My heart already hid her inside. And, she couldn’t seem to get out from my heart.

Although she wasn’t anywhere in my sight, I always remembered her. My heart always called her name out, unwilling to let this feelings go away.

I always thought that this love is a punishment. But, I seemed to have forgotten about this punishment. But, I always afraid that I will unknowingly tell her about my feelings. To have those three words of “I love you” to be said to her, made me scared.

However, one day, I received a mail from Korea. It was a engagement invitation. 

Under the Same Sky: Chapter 12

5 years later…

~Yuuki’s POV~

I am wandering around the New York City. Ah! So boring.

“Yuuki?” a voice called me.

I turn around, “Hana?” I recognized her.

“Ah! It’s really you! Ah!” she shouted and run towards me. I run towards her too. We hug each other.

“Hana, it’s been 6 years since our last meet,” I said.

“Yuuki, where do you stay?” she asked me.

“At DeKalb. I study there. You?” I asked her back.

“With my Kaa-chan, I study at Yale,” she said.

“Wow, Yale? You’re as great as always. As expected from Mimura Hana,” I praised her. She just smiles.

“So, where you go after our graduation?” she asked.

“I take a year to rest. You?” I said.

“I follow my Kaa-chan to Korea. I stayed there for 2 years. I came here 4 years ago,” she said.

“Let’s go to that coffee house. We can chat longer and more comfortable,” she said while pointing to a coffee house.

~Satoshi’s POV~

“Riida, I want to go to your house,” Aiba said.

“Nande?” I asked him.

“I want to play with Yoshi and Satsuki,” Aiba said.

“They don’t wanna play with you,” Nino said.

“I don’t care. Riida, I wanna go,” Aiba said.

“Aiba-chan, I’ll take you there. Ohno-kun, I’ll bring you home,” Sho said.

“Arigatou,” Aiba and I said in unison.

~Yuuki’s POV~

Today is my last day of my final exam of my final semester. Tomorrow, I’ll back to Japan. Along these 5 years, I never meet him. Even though I went to Japan every semester to meet my kids. He never appeared even once.

“Yuuki…,” a voice called my name. I turn back. It’s Hannah Quinlivan.

“Hannah, how’s exam?” I asked her.

“Okay, pretty good, I guess,” she said. “So, you’re going back? When?” she asked me.

“Tomorrow. I can’t wait to see my family,” I said with a smile.

“I’m going back to Australia first. Maybe next month, I’ll go to Taiwan,” she said.

“Really? That’s great,” I said.

~Satoshi’s POV~

I see Yoshi and Satsuki playing with Sho and Aiba. They look so happy.

“Nii-chan,” Yuri sits beside me.

“Yuuki-chan will be back tomorrow,” she said. I know that, Yuri. I’m counting the day she comes back since she’s gone.

“I know that,” I told her.

“I’ll pick her up tomorrow,” Yuri told me. Of course you go. She doesn’t wants to see me for sure.

“Then, be careful tomorrow,” I said.

“Nii-chan! Could you stop all this nonsense?” she shouted and get up from her sit. Sho, Aiba, Yoshi and Satsuki are staring at us.

“Ah! Yoshi, Satsuki, let’s play at the garden,” Sho said and gives Satsuki the piggy ride.

“Why?” Aiba asked Sho.

He pushes Aiba and holds Yoshi’s hand. They go to the garden.

“Yuri, what’s wrong with you? Don’t frighten the kids,” I said.

“What’s wrong with me? Hah! It should be what’s wrong with you,” she said. “Nii-chan, stops all this thing. It’s over. You don’t need to sacrifice anymore,” she continued.

“Yuri, she hates me,” I said.

“Let her know about everything. Stop sacrificed. It doesn’t worth it,” Yuri said. I sigh.

~Yuuki’s POV~

I arrived at the airport. I wait for Yuri. Okaa-chan said she will come and picks me. I wonder if Satoshi comes too. What will I do?

“Yuuki-chan!” Yuri shouted my name. She waves her hand.

I wave my hand back and walk towards her. I hug her.

She’s coming alone. There’s no Satoshi. Somewhere in my heart, I feel disappointed.

~Satoshi’s POV~

Yuri is already go and picks her. I wonder how she’s doing.

I take the box of rings.

~Flashback~

“Ohno-san, this is the rings that you ordered,” the jeweler told me. She came and found me at my house.

“Eh?” I blurred.

“You ordered it 4 months ago. You didn’t remember?” she asked.

~End of Flashback~

Yes, I bought it. I got it a month after she went to New York. I bought it as our second anniversary present.

I open the box. There are two rings in it. One for me and the other for Yuuki. S & Y, it’s the letters that engraved on each of the rings.

~Yuuki’s POV~

“Where you wanna go, Yuuki-chan?” Yuri asked me.

“Just drop me to my parents’ house,” I said.

“You don’t wanna go back to your house?” Yuri asked me.

I just stay silent. Of course I want. But, I know Satoshi will never accept me there.

I reached my Okaa-san and Otou-san’s house.

“Arigatou, Yuri,” I said. And she smiles and off.

Under the Same Sky: Chapter 11

~Satoshi’s POV~

I’m on my way to go home. I want to pick up my children from Okaa-chan’s house. I want to call Okaa-chan.

Yabai! I forgot my bag. I must have left it at the studio. I quickly run back to the studio. When I arrived at the studio, the four is still there.

I was about to enter but I hear they’re talking. I lean against the door.

“Look, this isn’t just papers, Aiba-chan. This is divorce document,” Nino said. Divorce document? I gulped.

“What?” Sho and Aiba shouted.

“Chotto matte, Riida-chan is married?” Aiba asked. They know it! I’m dead.

“Of course, baka,” Jun said sarcastically.

“So, what I’ve said, it’s true. But I was joking back then,” Sho said. Yeah, he has once talked about how secretive I am.

“He’s divorce already,” Nino said.

“No, no. He’s not. Look, he didn’t sign it,” Jun said. They all stand up and look at the document.

I accidentally ram the door and the door is accidentally open. They look at me.

“Ohno-kun, you better explains what this is,” Jun said.

“Yeah, you should,” Sho said. Nino and Aiba grab my hands and push me to sit in front of them.

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you guys,” I said.

“You’re married? When? How?” Aiba asked me. He throws a suspicious look at me.

“Yes, I’m married. It’s about a year and half ago. It was arranged marriage,” I replied his question.

“What’s with this divorce paper?” Jun said while shows the document in font of my eyes.

“I was about to divorce her,” I answered him.

“Why?” Nino asked.

“Ah! I don’t know how to say. I have to, okay?” I said.

“Matte, matte, matte. Who is she?” Sho asked me.

“My cousin?” I said doubtfully.

“Yuuki?” they said in unison. I nodded.

My secret is exposed.

~Yuuki’s POV~

It’s been a month since I left Japan. It’s not fun here. I really didn’t like the atmosphere here. I miss my children. I miss him too.

Ah! Why I have to miss him? Satoshi, why is it so hard to forget you? Why is it so hard to throw you far away from me?

~Flashback~

“Yuuki-chan, I’ll go just for a while. I’ll be back,” he said to me. That was when he’s off to Arashi’s tour concert.

“You’re not back for a long time,” I said. It was when I’m still pregnant.

“Yuuki-chan, no matter how far I go, we’re still under the same sky, okay?” he said and gives me a warm hug.

~End of Flashback~

Why do I still believe we’re under the same sky? I look at the sky. Yoshi, Satsuki, Mama miss you guys.

~Satoshi’s POV~

It’s raining heavily outside. The thunder boom out loudly. I run to her room.

She’s not here. How can I forget about it?

~Flashback~

It’s raining heavily that night. Suddenly, the thunder boomed out loudly.

“Yuuka!” she shouted. I immediately ran to her room.

“Yuuki-chan?” I called her name.

“Satoshi-kun,” she called me. I go to her.

“Daijoubu, daijoubu. I’m here,” I said and hug her.

~End of Flashback~

She always scared when it’s raining. I wonder how she is now. I look to the sky. No matter how far you go, I still believe that we’re under the same sky. And no matter how you hate me, I still love you.

~Yuuki’s POV~

The thunder boom out loudly.

I shock! One thing that comes in my mind. Yuuka and how she died. It’s still fresh in my mind. It feels like it happens yesterday even though it’s happen 4 years ago.

That incident is played repeatedly in my mind.

I cry. I am depressed. I’m all alone. No Okaa-san. No Satoshi-kun. I am by myself now. Oh god! I need him. I really need him. I really do.

~Satoshi’s POV~

I hear they’re crying. Yoshi and Satsuki. I immediately go to their room to check.

I touch each of them. It’s hot. They have fever. I called Yuri.

“Yuri?” I said.

“Nii-chan? Nande?” she asked me. Obviously, she is sleeping.

“Yuri, Yoshi and Satsuki, they have a fever. What should I do?” I asked her.

“Hontou ni? Wait there. I’ll come in 10 minutes,” she said and hung up.

I wait for her. And a car is stopped in front of my house.

“Nii-chan, where?” she asked.

“In their room,” I said and lead her to their room. She touches them.

“Oh god! Nii-chan, let’s go to the hospital,” she said and takes Yoshi to her arms.

I nodded and take Satsuki too.

~Yuuki’s POV~

Pranggg!!! The glass slipped from my grasp. I shocked.

“Miss Ohno, are you okay?” my classmate, Hannah Quinlivan asked me.

“No, Miss Quinlivan, I’m okay. I’m fine,” I said.

“Are you sure?” she asked again. I nodded.

I feel worry. I wonder if Yoshi and Satsuki are okay…